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Lament of an Exasperated Tobacco Plant

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deluxestogie

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Daniel said:
THen the plant seems to get the ide of reproduction and begins to neglect it's finest work.
You humans have never understood us plants. Each of us is a community of countless, anonymous organs directed at a single biologic purpose--to reproduce. You look at the root of one of my cousins, and say, "that's a fine carrot, if we can just prevent it from bolting." You covet the fruit of another cousin, and complain about having to spit out the seeds.

Now, I'm just a tropical weed. I hate the animal kingdom, and all you humans with it. All I want is to reproduce before I die. I even make up my own chemical weapons, in the hope of being left alone. Where does that get me? You guessed it. You humans love my chemical arsenal.

I've got this leaf thing pretty well figured out. I grow progressively more efficient photosynthesis factories, until my metabolic momentum is just right for making seed. Then I launch my bud head and blossom.

"Don't do that!" you shout, as you top me. But I've got a backup plan--sleeper cells that can be activated at the least provocation from uncomprehending humans. Ouch! One by one, you frustrate all my alternatives.

Okay, so life sometimes fails to meet my expectations. I can deal with that. But then you say that I've neglected my finest work, when all along, throughout the season of my life, you prevent me from performing my finest work.

A pox upon all your houses!

An anonymous tobacco plant
 

SmokesAhoy

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Hah yeah we're a bunch of aholes. I'd like to think discriminating aholes though:)
 

Tom_in_TN

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I've got sprouts!!! So, I made this pact with each variety: I would love them, cherish them, protect them from the dreaded Hornworms and enjoy the fruit of their labor and in exchange I would allow a few of them to bolt to seed and fulfill their dream to reproduce next season, but only those who are the very strongest, the very prettiest, the most fruitful, and the most flavorful will be selected. They have agreed and are now in competition with each other to be selected by their benefactor to become chosen to carry on next season. It is a wonderful life and they are going to love living here with me.
 

Jitterbugdude

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I've got sprouts!!! So, I made this pact with each variety: I would love them, cherish them, protect them from the dreaded Hornworms and enjoy the fruit of their labor and in exchange I would allow a few of them to bolt to seed and fulfill their dream to reproduce next season, but only those who are the very strongest, the very prettiest, the most fruitful, and the most flavorful will be selected. They have agreed and are now in competition with each other to be selected by their benefactor to become chosen to carry on next season. It is a wonderful life and they are going to love living here with me.

And if they don't cooperate you're gonna burn 'em aren't you!
 

Tom_in_TN

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Hey, they know that being burned is part of the deal and they not only accept it, they in fact agreed to do their very best and become as flavorful as possible. It is in their genes.
 

BarG

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You humans have never understood us plants. Each of us is a community of countless, anonymous organs directed at a single biologic purpose--to reproduce. You look at the root of one of my cousins, and say, "that's a fine carrot, if we can just prevent it from bolting." You covet the fruit of another cousin, and complain about having to spit out the seeds.

Now, I'm just a tropical weed. I hate the animal kingdom, and all you humans with it. All I want is to reproduce before I die. I even make up my own chemical weapons, in the hope of being left alone. Where does that get me? You guessed it. You humans love my chemical arsenal.

I've got this leaf thing pretty well figured out. I grow progressively more efficient photosynthesis factories, until my metabolic momentum is just right for making seed. Then I launch my bud head and blossom.

"Don't do that!" you shout, as you top me. But I've got a backup plan--sleeper cells that can be activated at the least provocation from uncomprehending humans. Ouch! One by one, you frustrate all my alternatives.

Okay, so life sometimes fails to meet my expectations. I can deal with that. But then you say that I've neglected my finest work, when all along, throughout the season of my life, you prevent me from performing my finest work.

A pox upon all your houses!

An anonymous tobacco plant

Its the human in us. were just terrible,
 
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